Her thoughts kept drifting as she held her exhausted
partner in her own weak arms. Where were they? At first she thought Alaska,
just like last time, but there had been no crater so wide...
More disturbing, though, was what had happened to her
between her untimely bee sting in the hallway of Mulderıs apartment building
and seeing his face before her, close again, and the numbing cold that had been
insinuating itself slowly into her, sliding inside, stealing the clinging
anxiety that had tried to stay with her. She had to talk to Mulder about what
he had just done, or give him a look, or something, to make him know that it
was all right-- she still hadnıt decided whether... well, anything.
That kiss, or bare lack thereof. After the
affirmation that their feelings were mutual, but there had been no love
expressed, no love at all, only a desperately clinging fear had been
realized...
She pushed away the acid rising in her throat (there
was still the taste of jelled sickness and metal inside her, from the cord that
Mulder had pulled upward, leaving an invisible hot scar all the way up her
insides) and returned to the present. She would never have the opportunity to
discuss anything with Mulder if he died in her arms from the cold, colder than
the air in the-- place. Mottled green and black, and high-pitched screams that
could not be human, those were the only memories she had taken from that
nightmarish journey. And the feeling of Mulderıs fingers and hands, warm
against her chest, as he had tried desperately to restore life to a body so
willing to let it go.
She realized, her body stiffening against the cold,
that the depression had reclaimed her again, just as after her abduction. She
was left bewildered, to try and pick up pieces that didnıt fit, no matter what
she tried, experiences that would never be linear and coherent and fit into
something easy, only alarms and men who had no faces and the disassociation and
this time Mulder had come and
his fingers were clenching and unclenching on the ice
sheet
Scully bit her lip. This was no time to get
emotional. She was wearing nothing but Mulderıs coat, her pants, and a pair of
woolen socks, and they were stuck on an ice sheet in the middle of nowhere with
nothing but pure white (and the crater) as far as the eye could see.
³Mulder.² Harsh voice like a Brillo pad, just as
scoring as the wind whipping the snow about their bruised faces. She pushed at
him unsuccessfully, trying hard to make her pressure felt through the feet of
padding surrounding his insensate body.
³..Sc--²
She leaned down and the skin of her ear caught just
the faintest puff of breath from his mouth as she heard
³Did you see it Scully?²
His voice was trembling hard, both with little-boy
wonder and the cold. She set her mouth. They would find a way out of here,
somehow, whether it involved teleportation or out-of-body experience or just
the good old flare he had to have somewhere inside the
padded-for-a-pack-trip-to-the-Arctic jacket now wrapped around her.
³Mulder, we have to get out of here before we both
freeze to death.²
He tried hard to shove himself to a sitting position,
and upon succeeding he shaded his eyes and glanced around. The grin plastered
on his face and the glazed look in his eye made her fear again that they, too,
would be discovered like the Greenland iceman, though she couldnıt quite
imagine how the future scientists would explain their fantastic, preserving
deaths. Hunting imaginary buffalo? Premature Alzheimerıs? The sacrifice of the
two to save the greater good? Death from spontaneous creation of a large crater
beside them in the ground?
³Alone at last, Scully.²
Upon sight of Mulderıs crooked grin, it was Scullyıs
turn to make a few false starts. Incredibly, more dampness was seeping through
the woolen socks wrapped around her small, burning-cold feet, and the wind had
even managed to quicken.
³We have to get out of here, Mulder.²
His gaze went reflexively back to the crater, as
though to a security blanket. He lifted hands already chapped with the cold,
their skin red and raw, and rubbed against his eyes. Ice crystals were forming
on his long eyelashes.
³Yeah.² He stood beside her after his own false
starts, surveyed the landscape about them without the slightly delirious air he
had taken on earlier. He could vaguely see his own footsteps, but the wind had
begun to wipe them away just as clearly as the alien spacecraft had ascended
into the shifting clouds. His photographic memory clicked on like a computer
and 180-ed the mountains so that he could now see them... ahh. Directly ahead
of them, through that small crag, and on to the safety of the fuel-drained
snowmobile. Maybe, if it hadnıt been looted during the escape of the base crew,
there would be a cell phone or something in there. If not, he and Scully could
always tell each other ghost stories until their breath had faded from their
bodies.
Mulder shuddered, both from the cold and the
near-miss Scully had pulled on him back in the ship. What the hell had she been
doing? Maybe his shaking fingers hadnıt pressed hard enough into her skin to
feel her pulse, but what had happened back there?
Scully had set off in the direction to which she had
seen his gaze lingering. About ten feet ahead of him she turned and gave him a
decidedly cold stare. As he started toward her he noticed that her feet were
only covered in white woolen socks.
He shuffled drunkenly toward her as he registered
that, impossibly, the snow was coming down harder. Scully only in socks. Scully
trapped inside a green dome with God-knew-what coursing through her veins.
Scully lying insensate in his hallway, while he allowed those faux paramedics to go through the motions and
take her away from him--
He stumbled slightly on the cold ground and her tiny
hands reached out for his own. He interlaced their fingers. Her skin was only
slightly colder than his own.
³Your feet okay?²
He thought he had imagined the slight,
blink-and-itıs-gone smile on her face. ³Iım afraid a few toes may come off if I
try this much longer.²
He nodded, forcing his own feet to keep going though
all he wanted to do was fall face-down onto the ice sheet and mull over the
great black hulking shape in the sky, think of the unholy alliance that had
been formed somehow between the chainsmokers of the Consortium and the
screaming aliens who tormented him, taking away everything he loved and giving
nothing in return.
³Just tell me when it gets to be too much, okay. I
donıt have too much energy and I donıt want to waste it.²
Scully nodded slightly, trying to conserve her own
heat. Her fingers were so frozen that she barely registered the presence of
Mulderıs comforting grip. Like her father on that one camping trip when sheıd--
Father figure. Jack Willis. Her conversation with Ed
Jerse in the bar came rushing back. Always someone she respected, someone she
trusted. Literally stronger than her.
But her love for Mulder was that of a friend. A very
dear friend, one who didnıt want to see him hurt, or in the deep melancholia
that seemed to follow him around after the inevitable dead-ending of all his
leads, from all the sources who were vague and incomprehensible shadow.
He was safe, he was her personal safety measure. They
were so different and strange and wonderful together and they were best
friends. It was her own choice to be uncomfortable around him, because--
Her brain was rambling and her feet were now tapered
blocks of ice. She ground her teeth into her lip for another minute,
concentrating on the sensation of deadened nerve endings before she finally
applied what she hoped was pressure to their intertwined fingers.
Mulder came to a dead stop, and she could see the
wheels turning in his head as he turned to look at her. He started and his hand
came up to brush her eyebrow lightly. ³Got a little snow there,² he said, trying
to sound lighthearted, letting his fingertips glide over the curves of her
face.
Too reminiscent of the look on his face as he had
leaned down, allowing his lips to brush her own... ³Mulder--²
Somehow he sensed where her thoughts were going and
shook his head. ³Later, okay... Iım gonna lean down and youıre gonna ride
piggyback, itıs the easiest way and we can conserve a little heat that way.²
Scully bit her lip and colored a little, adding to
the redness windburnt into her skin. He looked a little ridiculous, bent over
like that. Biting back her laughter, she climbed on. Again, memories of her
father came rushing back to her. Her head so high she could touch the tops of
the doorjambs if she wanted, taller than Bill, her mother laughing delightedly
while wiping flour from her fingers--
flour like the snow sifting through the air around
them, something sheıd never had while at the base in California with her
father.
The doctor inside Scully realized that she was trying
to deal with the mental anguish, but that was no comfort. She tightened her
grip, her arms snaked underneath his own and clasped somewhere around the top
of his chest.
Mulder clamped down tightly on a moan. The mountain
seemed to be getting farther away, and his steps had slowed down since he had
taken Scully on as an added weight. Why had he not gone into the Army? Oh,
yeah, that scholarship to Oxford. Stupid him.
Suddenly there was a puff of hot breath at his ear,
as though the angels had taken pity on him and decided to deliver him from this
icy hell. Or perhaps it was just his partner.
³Mulder? Are you sure youıre okay?²
³Yeah,² he puffed. ³Never been better.²
³I can get down if you want--²
³And get your toes amputated?² puff ³I donıt want--²
puff ³another partner this late in the game,² puff, ³gotta train them all over
again--² puff ³to like sunflower seeds and orange spray paint.²
Her laughter delighted him as much as it frightened
him. The delirium was getting to her. What had been in the serum he had
injected into her with so much faith?
³Iım sure you could sweet-talk Diana into it.² Her
teeth were chattering, and the serious edge on her voice was only barely hiding
the cheerful banter behind it.
³Never could--² puff ³get her to like- seeds.²
Another light laugh, and Mulder could imagine his
partner shaking her head, her hair waving slightly beneath his own fur hood.
Ahh, what he wouldnıt give to have that fur ruff protecting his face from the
bitter cold just then.
After about ten minutes more of his puffing and her
contemplative silence, he felt the soft skin of her face press against his ear.
Suddenly an overwhelming drowsiness threatened to overtake him. The excitement
and adrenalin running him since the fantastic sight of the black ship running
off to its home was beginning to wear off and he again wanted to think about
what he had seen and experienced for the past hundred hours, since Scullyıs
fall in his hallway to waking up in the hospital to the tremendous explosion
rocking him as Well-Manicured Man became ashes polluting cars a few years in
the future to the snowmobile that they had yet to reach.
How long had it taken him to hike from the broken
craft to that convenient vent? He was too tired to think. The angel puffs of
Scullyıs breaths against the side of his face were just too lulling. Her feet,
previously crossed snugly over his navel, were beginning to hang loosely at his
sides.
³Scully,² he said, his voice tired. He wanted nothing
other than to bundle down and sleep off this fear and anger and anxiety hanging
over him. With his part-- oh, he had forgotten. If she hadnıt been lying about
handing in her resignation, and she never seemed to lie to him, she was no
longer his partner, no longer really an FBI agent. Just a woman with whom he
had previously experienced a work relationship.
But earlier, hadnıt she--
He shook his head, giving up on retrieving the
memory, and inadvertently woke the slumbering woman on his back. He heard her
yawn and felt her arms tighten around him.
³How much longer?² Her voice was harsh with unuse.
³Donıt know.² Suddenly the cold was settling into his
own bones and he was on the Vineyard in the wintertime, and Samantha was
laughing and shouting on his back and they were going to make snow angels
again, and... he slowly let it drift away. Wouldnıt do him any good to dwell on
it now, though his dreams would be haunted with images of Sam trapped inside
another green capsule, her lips trying desperately to move around the hard
yellow crusted tube reaching inside her mouth, the cord wrapped around her
small insides, her tiny fists beating at the glass, with him only feet away and
choosing Scully, fighting for his partner, and--
He hooked his arms under her legs. ³Just a little
longer,² he said, as though trying to convince himself.
Her eyes closed.
Suddenly there was a cold hand on her face and she
just wanted five more minutes, she mumbled, just five more minutes and a cup of
coffee and sheıd be okay just five more minutes and why was it so cold in her
apartment
She gasped as her blue eyes met Mulderıs hazel ones.
The smile on his face was very slight. His shoulders were drooping slightly and
she could guess at how tired he was... though from Bureau reports he wouldıve
gladly been this tired if heıd carried her back from Skyland Mountain and Duane
Barry with only his mortal strength.
After reassuring herself that she was indeed with
Mulder she looked around. There was a snowmobile. That maybe wouldnıt take them
too much longer to get to.
³Not too much longer, Dana, come on.² He offered her
his hand.
As she stood she was suddenly aware of her heartbeat,
of her blood rushing around through her chest. She tried to walk on her own but
after about five minutes of feeling rocks so sharp they could cut her poking
through her socks, she found herself climbing back on Mulder as he let out a
soft sigh. She sensed that now his center of balance was off but she really
just wanted to get to somewhere safe and away from all the blasted snow...
She had to focus on something. Mulder was going as
fast as she could and there was no way for her to help except for to stay quiet
and keep his back warm, but she really had to ask him, before they were back in
Washington and behind their glass walls.
³I never knew you felt that way, Mulder.²
The pause in his steps and the inevitable shudder traveled
through his partnerıs body as she clung to him. For an irrational second he
thought of putting her down on the ice and leaving her there, instead of
dealing with that impulsive gesture... But he never could. There was always the
chance that some more torch-wielding soldiers had been left behind to get rid
of any observers (namely themselves), and he would never leave her to die that
way. But a deep enduring ache numbing his chest reminded him of his vow to
never tell her the things that had come out only under the duress of having her
leave him... and the breaking of that vow, that was so like a freedom.
He knew she didnıt need his protection. Even his
presence beside her hospital beds was something of a formality. She was the
stronger one, both of them knew that. He was the damaged goods, the space case,
the crazy one to her rationality and logical thinking. But he had pulled her
down into his little world, along with the government conspiracies and
informants and his tiredneighbors. So many times, she had nearly become another
casualty to his quest...
There was the case before his mother had her stroke,
the one where Scully had gone crazy from the television signals. The police
thought they had found her body. His shock, anger, grief, self-condemnation,
had all grown as he had approached the window, and with every new word
describing the condition of her lifeless body he had flinched and curled deeper
into his hole. The whole of his being had been consumed with keeping his psyche
from fully crumbling-- and as the doctor moved the blinds, he had been met with
a heinous sight, but not that of his partnerıs dead body. In that moment he had
sworn to himself that no matter what it took, he would never be in that
position again, whether it was later her cancer or the psycho of the week that
had put her there. Never. Even if his eyes were kept blind by his own hand, by
the bullets of his own gun.
He returned to the present, his arms hooked beneath
his partnerıs legs (she would always be his partner, mentally, whether she was
a G-woman or not), shifted her weight on his back. ³Guess I hid it a little too
well, then, didnıt I?²
She wished she could see his eyes. But that thought
was swept away with another rush of snow onto both of their faces, the slight
cough coming from her transportation.
³Okay,² she managed.
³Later,² he repeated, sounding almost reassured,
already setting off again, shifting her weight ever so often.
Scully didnıt allow herself to think. She focused her
eyes on the Snow Cat that kept approaching from the distance and shied away
whenever she sensed a potentially disturbing thought coming her way. They would
have plenty of time to talk under the shelter. Plenty of time to die, too.
Scully had fallen asleep again by the time he had
reached the overly large hunk of metal that was their only chance of survival.
He relaxed his grip on her legs and she slid down, and as he propped her
against the side he drew a hand across his forehead, praying silently that some
earthbound angel had filled the tank with gasoline and left directions as to
how to get back... he didnıt feel as though he would ever be able to wake up
again, once he fell asleep...
Scullyıs blue eyes opened to whiteness that was
nearly blinding. Her heart began to pound. Somehow they had gotten trapped in a
snowdrift, but she didnıt feel like she was dead or dying of hypothermia, and
there was the unmistakable smell of gasoline and oil and metal. Her hand opened
and brushed against a piece of paper... on a rough-hewn seat. She glanced down
at the coordinates, there was the little GPS device, on her other side there
was the warmth that was sleeping Mulder. The blood rush to her brain startled
her a little more awake and she looked around again before focusing on her
sleeping seatmate.
³Mulder--²
Her rough voice trailed off as the meaning of the
coordinates finally sunk in. Wow. Antarctica. The hall of Mulderıs Arlington
apartment building was a long way from the biggest glacier known to mankind.
She sat up straighter, shaking herself mentally. All
she wanted to do was fall asleep until she could assimilate this better, but
the Snow Cat wasnıt too much warmer than outside and this was only a temporary
respite if they were going to need to hike somewhere else.
While shaking his arm she looked around again. Keys
were still in the ignition. She supposed he had run out of gas, but that meant
the fuel indicator was broken because it was a little before the dreaded ³E.² A
dusty, oil-stained cloth on the dashboard, and then Mulderıs groan stopped all
further explorations.
³Weıre not out of danger yet, are we.² He rubbed his
head with a red hand, squinting about them at the dimming cabin.
³No, and I seem to have somehow lost my cell phone...
along with my blouse, jacket, bra, shoes...²
³I didnıt quite have enough time for all those,² he
said sheepishly. Suddenly his eyes widened, though, and he patted a few
assorted pockets before he came to a realization. ³Reach into your right coat
pocket,² he said, and she sensed a breath of prayer in his voice. Her blistered
fingertips found the gold chain with no trouble, however, and she hooked it
around her neck and clasped it before she spoke again.
³Well, Mulder, we have keys, weıve got gas, letıs hit
some snow.²
³What?² he said incredulously, leaning over her to
see the stubborn indicator. He hesitantly tapped it with his knuckles a few
times, then harder, his expression brightening as the needle refused to move.
³Oh God thank you,² he said as he slid over into the driverıs seat and cranked
the engine. The growl of the motor was like the sound of trumpets from heaven.
She wanted to continue their conversation, but his
reluctance to speak and the persistence of the engineıs whine made it all too
easy to let her resolve drop. They sat close to each other but didnıt quite
touch, and Scully wondered about whether she would ever have the opportunity
again to talk to him. After all, Skinner had no reason not to honor her
resignation, and she hadnıt been lying to Mulder when she had told him of her
lack of excitement about typical field agent duty... pursuing human petty
criminals didnıt even approach the scientific wonderland that was the X-Files--
even if those precious papers were now ash in a landfill, thanks to a certain
tar-infested archnemesis.
She finally found her voice after listening to Mulder
extol whatever green agent had refilled the Snow Cat, thinking that it belonged
to the igloo base, and leaving them some way to leave the nightmare. ³How long
did it take you to get here?²
³Way too long,² he said, glancing at her, his eyes
burning in remembered pain before settling upon her face. After a narrow second
he turned his gaze back to the endless snow before him. She looked like hell,
but she was alive.
She mentally computed for a few minutes. They had
some hours left together, before she would hand in what she was sure would be
her last report to the FBI, before she could get one last slam on record. She
wanted AD Cassidy to know what her very department had helped end, the
partnership and relationship that had taken the Bureau farther from its cloak
of ignorance than anyone had dreamed possible.
But maybe whatever had happened out there in the past
hours would change her mind, somehow. Skinner, at least, would try and talk her
out of her decision, just as Mulder had-- albeit without the emotionally verbal
outpourings her partner had subjected her to. Then she could make her final
decision, as to whether these really would be her last hours with her former partner.
³Tell me what happened, Mulder.²
He smiled, and kept his hand on the wheel, and launched into another of his wildly unscientific explanations, perhaps the last one she would ever hear pouring from his lips. She missed it already.